Recently, I have been thinking about life and inspirations. If you think about it, God (theist)/Cosmos (atheist) has made life such that no day or second of our life will ever be repeated. We are born once, there was only one day when we were 1 year old. We cross 30 just once and each day is unique in the span of our life. A life, which was by design, never repetitive, how come our lives have become so repetitive?

Is it the social order of the society or is it an individual's mindset to get comfortable? We quickly get settled into our comfort zone and rarely venture out to do something new. We are either restrained by our own understanding of capacity, give too much attention to people around us or are inadvertently short term focused in our daily lives.

While it is not a suggestion to respond to an spur of the moment, or to always be analytical about every move, it is about trying something new with a reasonable risk. It's about taking the risk to drive the future forward. And, part of the ability to take risk comes from self-confidence, passion and hard work.

Best performers in the exam are those, who have practiced it so many times that it's not new any more when they are doing it for real. Sports is played on a field, but a lot of rigorous hours of practice goes into it so that on match day, your play does not have to be extraordinary to your own level. It will just be your play. As a child, I always wondered if something miraculous will happen on the exam day that I will become someone, or I am too young now, but as I will grow up, I will automatically achieve my aspiration. But, as harsh as the truth may sound, it was never the case. I learnt that I would have to form the path a step at a time to reach where I wanted to reach. It's like a tennis match. You would have to win the set to win the game and you would have to win each 40-30 to win a set. Thus, each service and each return counts.

My professor once told me - most people in the world know what they dont want, but few know what they really want. Out of those, few are confident and aspired enough to believe in what they want and pursue it. However, he also said that there is a realistic reach to what you can achieve. He said that a person need to know three things to reach where wants to reach. 1. Where he wants to reach. 2. What path would he take. 3. Where he stands today. He told me that when you figure out 1 and 2, think very critically about 3, always know where you stand today.

Chapters:

My aim of writing this book is not to talk about myself and come out as someone cool or stud. My aim is to provide an afterthought, a reflection, a fresh perspective on my past, which could become a learning for someone and an casual inspiration for another. It is to let people know that they are not alone in the world for where they stand. Someone else has been there and there is a path of hope. I must say that I am not terribly successful in what I pursued to become, but I do have walked long miles to get where I am today and have gathered experiences on the way.

Hard Work

Imagination

Perspective

Inspiration

Education

Failure

Music

Earth

Women

If I were to write a book on my destiny and life, I would find it very hard to find chapters for it. For, it will be more like a rhapsody, a laundry list of things that I understand. In that book, I will write about my love for music, my view on importance of education and importance of perspective. I will write in detail about failure. I will also write about inspiration and stubbornness to succeed. I will write about what it takes to become what you want to become. I will write about the easiest thing in life and the hardest thing in life. I will write about what it means to be a good human being.

In all of these things, there is a constant thread of a commitment to find out what I want to do and fight to achieve it. It's about hard work, intelligence and success, but also much more than that. It's also about imagination and inspiration.

I think that I will write such a book soon enough.

Thoughts keep me awake these days. An anticipation of future and the ability to cope up with the changes that are coming. Some morbid, others real. Where to bury them, how to ignore them, or simply sneak away from them. Not so easy.

Change is part of life. We all need it. We all want it. Anything, however extraordinary, if continuous, is mundane. We eventually get bored. We slowly get tired. The real question is: What do you want? Do you really want it? Do you want it tomorrow, day after, or even after a month? Is this something that overcomes the fickle of a human mind? Is this something that will make you happier? Is this something that will bring you a sense of achievement? Is this something that will challenge you, in an area, where you like to be challenged? If the answer is yes, you want this change.

To be continued...

The one thing don't like about reading online is that now I do not get to turn the pages.

I wish I could go to the beach right now, in the middle of the night. A beach where the sun is shining high and the beautiful sea is tipsy but grave, lost in the pride of its own magnitude. I could have walked on the bright shores, leaving everything behind like the footsteps on the wet sand, dissolving all melancholy in the sound of waves.

I am no one. There is no one other. An exclamation, a line with a dot...

In the emptiness of joys, in the density of sorrows, many times I see a ray of light. Tingling from space. An imaginary thing.

I keep walking. It’s getting cold. I already have cough. It’s getting worse. Are you listening? But she does not respond. She is not listening. It starts raining. We look at each other. We keep walking.

The ray of light falls straight in my eyes. It’s annoying. I left early from office today. Should I buy milk and bread on the way? Are they over? I don’t remember. The kiosk passes by.

A florescent lamp glows without any prejudice in my bedroom. I close the book. I switch it off. I try to sleep. She snores.

I imagine my dream. My feet are wet. My arms are folded. I am looking at my footsteps. But it’s too dark. I wish the sun were shining high and the beautiful sea is tipsy but grave...I wish it was not raining.

तुम मुझमें प्रिय, फिर परिचय क्या
तारक में छवि, प्राणों में स्मृति
पलकों में नीरव पद की गति
लघु उर में पुलकों की संस्कृति
भर लाई हूँ तेरी चंचल
और करूँ जग में संचय क्या?


तेरा मुख सहास अरूणोदय
परछाई रजनी विषादमय
वह जागृति वह नींद स्वप्नमय,
खेल खेल थक थक सोने दे
मैं समझूँगी सृष्टि प्रलय क्या?


तेरा अधर विचुंबित प्याला
तेरी ही विस्मत मिश्रित हाला
तेरा ही मानस मधुशाला
फिर पूछूँ क्या मेरे साकी
देते हो मधुमय विषमय क्या?
चित्रित तू मैं हूँ रेखा क्रम,
मधुर राग तू मैं स्वर संगम
तू असीम मैं सीमा का भ्रम
काया-छाया में रहस्यमय
प्रेयसी प्रियतम का अभिनय क्या?
तुम मुझमें प्रिय फिर परिचय क्या?
- महादेवी वर्मा

Sad. Sorry. Bad News. Hell. Lost...Why it is that every time I turn up to write my blog, my feelings are more emotional and curious than anything else...

Taxi! I shout.

And somehow the taxi driver, sitting in a car with all windows rolled up, can hear me. It turns in and lowers his window.

I ask him, “Toronto downtown?”

“Get in” an equally short reply comes...

Taxi drivers like it when you hire them to go far. It’s a comfortable 40 minutes ride. At least 40 dollars including tip.

I hurriedly open the door and slip in...feeling the warmth of the air conditioner in the cab.

It’s already getting dark. I should have started a little early...but I woke up late...but that’s because I had slept late...Without even noticing, my mind starts processing useless data...It somehow happens. I don’t know how?

The taxi drives in the flood of cars on a seven lane highway...Inside the car, the radio is playing the news in Urdu. The driver must be from Pakistan. Something in his face confirms my speculation. I feel better! as if I solved a difficult puzzle. I look outside in appreciation.

The cars are moving real slow. It must be less than 20 km per hour. Feels like it will take an hour to reach Bloor Street. After all this is highway 404, going to downtown. The cab driver tells me, noticing my rumblings in the back seat, that this is the busiest highway in North America. I express astonishment, thinking about the traffic I had seen when I was coming to New York from New Jersey. But I keep quiet. There is no fun comparing useless data and try to use analytical thinking for it. Again, I just escaped from processing useless information in my mind.

A flurry falls on my window...looks magnificent but melts before you could absorb its beauty. I realize...it has started snowing...no wonder. The forecast has a right to be correct sometimes.

I slid back a little in the comfortable leather couch and look outside the window, the cars passing by and the dark sky in background. How ignorant does it feel to be sitting in the back seat of a car in a foreign world, where less than 10 people know you? Suddenly I realize how big is this world? And how petty our existence is? Nothing, absolutely nothing…and here we are, trying to make a difference in our own world, trying to get an appreciation, striving for more. How tiny can it be? I feel so hopeless, so useless, so alone...There I am! once again, my brain is processing useless data... I close my eyes and exhale a deep breath. The taxi driver asks me, "You look tired." and I say, "Yes", thinking about an explanation for why exactly I am so tired..and realizing that I am catching on another useless thought...