Sad. Sorry. Bad News. Hell. Lost...Why it is that every time I turn up to write my blog, my feelings are more emotional and curious than anything else...

Taxi! I shout.

And somehow the taxi driver, sitting in a car with all windows rolled up, can hear me. It turns in and lowers his window.

I ask him, “Toronto downtown?”

“Get in” an equally short reply comes...

Taxi drivers like it when you hire them to go far. It’s a comfortable 40 minutes ride. At least 40 dollars including tip.

I hurriedly open the door and slip in...feeling the warmth of the air conditioner in the cab.

It’s already getting dark. I should have started a little early...but I woke up late...but that’s because I had slept late...Without even noticing, my mind starts processing useless data...It somehow happens. I don’t know how?

The taxi drives in the flood of cars on a seven lane highway...Inside the car, the radio is playing the news in Urdu. The driver must be from Pakistan. Something in his face confirms my speculation. I feel better! as if I solved a difficult puzzle. I look outside in appreciation.

The cars are moving real slow. It must be less than 20 km per hour. Feels like it will take an hour to reach Bloor Street. After all this is highway 404, going to downtown. The cab driver tells me, noticing my rumblings in the back seat, that this is the busiest highway in North America. I express astonishment, thinking about the traffic I had seen when I was coming to New York from New Jersey. But I keep quiet. There is no fun comparing useless data and try to use analytical thinking for it. Again, I just escaped from processing useless information in my mind.

A flurry falls on my window...looks magnificent but melts before you could absorb its beauty. I realize...it has started snowing...no wonder. The forecast has a right to be correct sometimes.

I slid back a little in the comfortable leather couch and look outside the window, the cars passing by and the dark sky in background. How ignorant does it feel to be sitting in the back seat of a car in a foreign world, where less than 10 people know you? Suddenly I realize how big is this world? And how petty our existence is? Nothing, absolutely nothing…and here we are, trying to make a difference in our own world, trying to get an appreciation, striving for more. How tiny can it be? I feel so hopeless, so useless, so alone...There I am! once again, my brain is processing useless data... I close my eyes and exhale a deep breath. The taxi driver asks me, "You look tired." and I say, "Yes", thinking about an explanation for why exactly I am so tired..and realizing that I am catching on another useless thought...