My Tryst With Self Expedition

There seem to be so insecure moments in life, where things cannot be defined in the way they are. People are confused and even lost in their own ambitions and choices. I dont know how to define it. Such sense of morality and care that it seems to crash their own existence and comfort. I don't know how truthful it is. I don't know how pretentious there reactions are.
Once again, here I am, fighting in the dark, trying to sleep. I listen: the bark of street dogs outside, the perpetual humming on ceiling fan, silent snores of my parents, and the soft sound of laptop keys. So many thoughts come to my mind. Many nights, I feel that I am leading myself in nothingness, trying to achieve trifles. I feel that I am running behind something, achieving which will give me success, but not happiness. I am not able to decide. It's not a good idea to decide the greenary of the lawns by sitting on the fence between them. Standing on one of the sides makes the decision easier. I am looking for an answer, which I know that everyone around me does not know. Several times, I have explored myself to reveal the truth. But, I loose it in the way and interrupt my self expediation. All the people, to whom I ask opinion, are standing on the either side and they think they are the best. But its not their fault. Self-righteous-ness is good. It makes people happy.
I don't know where I will end up. I am running on a track, from where there is no return back. We who are bound to live for the evolution of ourselves and the humble ones attached to us. It's defeat in all directions. Human life is nothing. There is no God. There is no success or failure. There are no lies. There is no truth. It's all imposed, created in order to create a system, a social system. Finally, nothing leads to perpetual satisfaction. Every satisfaction is a single transaction. Every satisfaction has its duration.
I don't know what I want. Really. And for whom. Living in a culture, where it is taught to live for others, it is difficult to live for oneself. My father worked hard all his life for his children. His effort was fruitful. But, now we are, trying to achieve more, leaving behind everything. For some tangible thing called money and intangible thing called future and success. What did my father achieved out of it.
Satisfaction.
A satisfaction of being successful in his duties. One aspect of his satisfaction. An intangible one.